100 Ways to Kill a Gnome
by Kirigiya The Wanderer
Summary: A humorous fic about the many misadventures of a gnome and his pal. Summary sucks, please R&R!


**Alright guys, I'm back. I know you probably all hate me for posting this, and not updating my other fic, but trust me, I'm on it. I've gotten a few pages done, I'm just battling a hard case of writers' block. In this fierce battle, I had the idea for this fic. And my buddy Linira told me that finding a small, humorous fic would help me with the writers' block, and so this was born. While it may have many chapters (I'm aiming for 100) it's probably going to be relatively short. Oh, and I don't own Warcraft, blah blah. Without further ado, here's the fic!**

George "Gizmo" Bolt was what some would fondly call eccentric. Others would laugh and call him a loser. Sadly, the latter were closer to being right. Gizmo liked to tinker, and was widely considered a failure. But still, he tinkered on. He didn't let anything deter him from his dream of being the greatest inventor the world had ever seen. Not the magically permanent blue color of his hair, not his sooty clothing, not even the fact that he was short, even for a gnome.

"Gizmo, come on! You've gotta get out of the house once in awhile!" the shrill voice of his mischievous childhood friend, Pix, called.

"I don't wanna!" Gizmo called back, not even looking up from his work.

"Don't make me break down your door!"

"You wouldn't break down my-" the sound of crashing interrupted him as his door came crashing down, a pretty gnome with her pink hair in neat pigtails standing on it, grinning victoriously.

"My, my door!" Gizmo screamed as he rushed towards it.

"Don't worry, I'll get it fixed," his friend replied, walking into his kitchen. "Besides, look on the bright side, I brought you some pound cake!" she said, pulling the food out from places unknown and placing it on the table.

Gizmo had to restrain himself from gagging, as Pix was as bad a cook as he was a tinker.

"Uh, I'm not feeling hungry right now, Pix,"

"Nonsense, you know you want to try it,"

"Wait, wait! I mean," Gizmo stammered, waving his arms in a placating gesture. "What if we went to the Darkmoon Fair? I heard it's in Goldshire today,"

Pix put her hand to her chin, thinking it over. "Alright!" she exclaimed brightly.

"Really?" Gizmo questioned, unsure. Pix usually always made him try her cooking. He wasn't usually this lucky…

"I'll get you, and everyone there to try my pound cake!"

"Oh man, this is gonna be a long day,"

_Four Hours Later_

"Well, we're here," Gizmo said nervously. He'd much rather be at home.

"Come on, let's try the games!" Pix called, grabbing his hand and pulling him along.

"Wait, I think I'll just watch you, if that's alright,"

Pix shrugged. "Suit yourself, but you owe me,"

Gizmo was about to argue, but from the look Pix was giving him, he probably shouldn't.

And so the day passed slowly, the only highlight of it being when Pix fed some of her pound cake to a passing carnie, and he threw up everywhere. ("He just couldn't stomach the awesomeness of my cooking!")

Finally, the sun was setting, and everything was winding down, when Pix returned from a scary-looking ride that shot you out into the nearby lake.

"That was so fun, Gizmo, you have to try!" Pix said cheerfully.

"Oh no thanks, I'll be fine,"

"No arguing, just get in,"

"But I-"

Before Gizmo knew it, he was strapped into the machine, with a slice of pound cake in his hand.

"For good luck," Pix said, rolling her eyes like it was common knowledge that disgusting dessert prevented serious injury daily.

"Are you all ready?" the carnie asked Gizmo when he was finished strapping him in.

"Actually-"

"Great! Remember, when you start to fall, pull this tab," the carnie gestured to Gizmo's right shoulder. "and you'll activate the parachute. Completely safe. Alright, here we go,"

"Um, can you wait for a second?"

"Three!"

"I think I forgot to let my cat out,"

"Two!"

"I have to pee!"

"One!"

"Wait please let me out I'll do anything PLEASE!" Gizmo shouted the last part as he was sent flying through the air.

"Don't panic, Gizmo," he said to himself, even though he was pretty sure he'd need a new pair of pants after this was over. "Just, pull the tab," he said as he began his descent.

He fumbled with the tab for a moment, before finally pulling it. To his immense relief, the parachute worked, and he began to gracefully fall to the lake. Gizmo looked around in shock and wonder.

"Look at me! I'm doing it! Pix, can you see me? I'm doing it! Yea! I feel so free, nothing can stop me now! Wait, that's a tree. How do you steer this thing? Help!" Gizmo yelped as he crashed into a tree overlooking the lake, the parachute tangling up and leaving himself hanging there.

"Just great," Gizmo said angrily.

He grumbled as he searched within his pockets, letting out a small cheer when he brought out a small knife.

"Tinkers have to be prepared at all times," he said solemnly before he began cutting himself down.

He amused himself by whistling for a bit, before he heard a strange gurgling sound under him.

"Must be a fish," he mumbled to himself as he continued his work. "Almost, almost… Got it! Oh, crap!" he screamed as he fell into the water, spluttering and angry.

"When I get my hands on Pix I'm going to… What?" Gizmo was distracted as he noticed he was surrounded by a large group of murlocs. He'd never seen one up close before, and was understandably nervous.

"Uh, hello. My name is Gizmo," he began hesitantly.

The murlocs didn't respond, but a big green one - probably the leader - swam towards him. Gizmo tried to smile, but it probably came out as a grimace.

"Can you help me get back to shore please?" he asked politely.

The lead murlocs pointed to Gizmo, then to his mouth as he made chewing motions.

"What? No! You don't want to eat me, I'm not tasty!" Gizmo panicked as the horde of murlocs began to inch closer to him.

"Hold on, WAIT!" he screamed loudly, and the murlocs stopped with curiosity.

Gizmo tried to regain his breath as the murlocs waited for him to speak. He could feel their breath on him, and it smelt like rot and decay. He knew he only had one shot to get out of this, and he knew just what to do.

"Do any of you want pound cake?"

Pix looked worriedly towards the lake as Gizmo's screams reached her.

"Do you think he's alright?" she asked a nearby carnie.

"He'll be fine," the troll responded, walking away.

**And there it is, 100 Ways to Kill a Gnome! I hope you all enjoyed it, I'll try to keep updating it regularly, unlike my other fic. Don't worry, though. I've almost finished chapter 4, and it should be up within a week or so. Until next time!**


End file.
